


No going back

by notalosechester



Series: When I'm with you [4]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Cute, Fluffy, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Young Love, insecure PJ kinda, smol beans, some angst i guess, young kickthephan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-16
Updated: 2018-02-16
Packaged: 2019-03-19 06:48:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13699101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notalosechester/pseuds/notalosechester
Summary: PJ is having a crisis with his feelings for Dan and Phil. Flashback type thing





	No going back

**Author's Note:**

> HELLO. i had this in my head and had to get it out before in bothered me into oblivion. i said i have been feeling really kickthephan-ish, so here is the result of that. this is rated m coz i do say "fuck" and i don't want to get in trouble so yea. :D hope you enjoy!  
> Kay

Whenever PJ thought about the past, Dan and Phil were in it.  
He used to have the biggest crush on Phil. He was a major YouTube influence for PJ and he was older, and he was fucking gorgeous. When he first received the IM request from Phil, he had run around in circles in his bedroom for two whole minutes, screaming. They had spent hours talking on IM, and PJ felt like he could really be himself with Phil. then he met Dan. Do you know the feeling of when you meet someone, and you realize that you have missed them this entire time? That’s what PJ felt when he met Dan. he was so tall and pretty, tan, and emo as fuck. He was sarcastic and dark. He was also very sweet, and he loved to play Sonic. PJ was ready to drop down on one knee after finding that out. After his first meeting with them in person, he came home and lay down on his bed, not even bothering to take his shoes or get dressed for bed. He stared at the ceiling. How had he lived this long without them?  
He was in love. Head over heels for both of them.

That scared him.

He had had crushes before at school, mostly the tall, wide football players with blinding grins, or pretty drama boys with dark eyes, and even that one guy who had a motorcycle and a black leather jacket that looked like an anime character. But he had never felt like this before.  
He had never wanted more. And never for two people at the same time. He wanted to be with them constantly, his mind always on them. 

So when they invited him to go to Italy with them, he nearly fell off his chair. Italy was heaven. Not only was it his kindred home, but he was also with Dan and Phil. granted, Chris went too. Chris was cool, he was PJ’s closest friend since Phil. He made sure to give them enough space, and PJ was forever grateful. He thought he could die happy when they were there. Hobbit hair, tan skin that went on for miles, pale sunburns, dark fringe, swimming trunks everyday. He thought his heart would stop beating at some point. Sunsets inking their faces pale pastel colors, smiles that lasted forever, Dan’s laugh, Phil’s eyes sparkling in the dark. It was everything PJ had dreamed. Then, it was back to reality. After seeing them everyday for two weeks, not being in the same room as them hurt.  
Physically. They texted everyday, called just to hear each other’s voices.  
Dan told PJ once “I lay on my bed and just listen to you guys talk sometimes. It feels like home.”  
PJ had nearly cried.  
It was all too much. He needed to tell someone. He had to release all the pent up emotion inside of him. He confided in his parents. They had known about his preferences, but were just as surprised as he was that is was for two people. They were kind and supportive. They both said the intensity would only get worse. “You have to tell them, and soon.” his mother said. He had felt his heat ache. How had he not? He couldn’t believe he hadn’t yet.

But.

There was always that small, horrible part of his brain that would tell him he was being stupid. two people? Really? How could two people love him like that? How could two people that were vastly superior to him ever love him? He shut down. He reached the breaking point when Phil suggested they all have a Skype call. Dan had moved in with Phil, so they called PJ. they were laughing about something, the way Phil said “us” in his northern accent, and PJ had his realization. The Grand Epiphany. He had to tell them. Dan was leaning on Phil, his dimples creasing his cheeks, still tan from Italy, Phil was flushed from the neck up and his eyes were blue and yellow and PJ knew he didn’t want to see anything but them in the morning, or anything else before falling asleep.  
“What’s wrong Peej?” Phil pushed his fringe back and looked at him with worried eyes.  
“Nothing I just-” Dan now sat up, his interest piqued.  
“What’s up?” now he had two pairs of pretty eyes on him.  
Unfair. He crumbled.  
“I-I just. I like you.” he fumbled. His face turned five times hotter than before. Dan and Phil glanced at each other.  
“We like you too PJ, you’re a good friend-” PJ cut him off.  
“I don’t just like you. I like like you. Both of you.” they stared. The silence was thick and heavy in PJ’s lungs and he nearly broke.  
“Really?” Dan breathed finally, his eyes wide, mouth open slightly. “For how long?”  
PJ had never wanted to kiss someone so badly.  
“Yes,” he whispered. “Ever since I met you.”  
Phil looked like someone had struck him. Dan was still staring at him, his face flushed.  
“Ohmigod.” Phil muttered. PJ felt his stomach clutch.  
Oh dear god. They didn’t know. He was so screwed.  
“I’m sorry-I just-I just thought….” he pushed his hair back and felt his eyes burn. 

“I’m sorry.” he repeated. He felt his heart break. There was nothing he could say now.  
“No, wait. PJ.” Phil spoke quickly, he scooted nearer to the laptop, pulling Dan with him.  
“I-I mean-we.” he glanced at Dan who nodded vigorously.  
“We. We like you too.” PJ blinked. What? Did he just-  
“You what?” he breathed, feeling his heart start up again, this time faster than before.  
“Quite a lot actually,” Dan said, his face still flushed. “Like, a mega-ton.”  
PJ felt his eyes burn again. Phil smiled at him, his expression soft and fond.  
“How could we not? Our gorgeous Peej.” Dan laughed.  
“And to think he actually thought we didn’t!”  
PJ managed a laugh. That feeling that had struck him after their first meeting swooped in again. Like a strange bird. PJ was so far gone for them. 

There was no going back now.

**Author's Note:**

> sooooo hope you enjoyed. it was a bit longer than usual i guess, but it was so worth it. comments and kudos make me etreMELY HAPPY so please leave me some!^.^ don't forget to follow me on Tumblr: @notalosechesterawinchester and you can ask me questions there too, i love talking to equally crazy people :D see ya around  
> Kay


End file.
